Jan 10 2007

Wow 2007 already. I didn't go to work today. I'm down and out in spirit and I just got done reading my sons blog and I feel very ashamed of myself.
I hurt , I have problems, I have emotional and mental problems dealing with my upcoming divorce from the man I loved and I thought loved me.
I had no idea he was just using me til I took off the rose colored glasses.

It's not God's fault, so why don't I go to church anymore? Because I'm ashamed of who I am what I've become and I want to go to God, I just don't want to go to all those people who already look down on me.

Last time I talked to my Sr Pastor he just scolded me, like you would a child. I think he would fight hard to hold on to his marriage just as I was doing. But I got hollered at. I don't have my Mom or Dad to go to. I have nobody to support me. Oh they can give me thier advice but until they've walked a mile or minute in my shoes they really don't understand

I use to wish that I would die in a car accident and it very easily could have happened last week cause I couldnt keep my eyes opened, but I fought real hard to stay awake and not have an accident so what does that say? I really don't want to die....and I really don't want to be this miserable.

A man is not my answers, Joe is the man I love but because of his athiestic and unpatriotive ways I saw he was really not a good man. Sure he supplied all my material things........ but that was all he did.
everything else centered around him. Iknow he's no good for me.

That void is there, I have a great empty void .
I don't want to work, I don't want to go out of the house, (im not one of th epeople outside)
I don't want to converse with anyone. I just want to lock myself away and hope the end comes soon.
I guess you could say I'm just miserable and I don't feel any hope at all right now.
l8tr.