wow its been a long time

Oh my its been so long since I have blogged.

I thought I found heaven on earth by moving to be closer to my children, I was so mistaken it only brought more heartache cause I had to leave them again.

So many things went right and so many went wrong that I find, i am totally lost. I don't know where I am going, or doing and I have no direction. I never felt so lost and all alone.

Kids who told me once that "dont worry Mom if you come down here we will help you"...... said yeah mom we'll help you leave instead. Guess having a mom around once you are married is a royal pain. I wouldn't know I never had a mother in law to contend with.

Well, I am back in Blue Island, back in my small bedroom, on my computer job hunting and reading blogs to break the monotony. Still lost and all alone.

Oh my gosh

Even though my heart is broken, my spirit is down, and my life is taking another change, it is a Good Morning cause God don't make no junk. We are born with deformities, and have ailments and sometimes disablements. But no matter what it is a good Morning cause God made it.Our hurts and pains may engulf us, our lifes may be purely miserable our heart may be broken and my jaw is filled with pain again. But it's a beautiful morning. The birds are singing the wind is blowing and that lets me know there is a God out there who loves and cares for me no matter how much I hide away in my little bedroom and cry.

I thought I knew pain when I gave birth to two precious boys. It was a welcome pain.

Well there just happens to be trials and tests that I guess I am going to have to face to see how I come out of.Yesterday I called my psyc Dr. and he told me I could take 1/2 of an extra pill and all it did was put me to sleep and give me a horrible headache which was my own choosing and it's still a Good Morning!

I cancelled my dentist appt cause I can't be going through surgery on my teeth, jaw and my heart too all at the same time. How a man can knowingly hurt a woman so bad for no sane reason at all except that he wants to go out and play with black strippers is beyond me. I promised til death do us part. Well I guess there is a death in me cause something is surely dying or I wouldnt hurt this bad.Maybe after it's all over I will be able to go on

Maybe I won't ?we'll see

This is all and who I have to lean on and I know He will see me through.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Hey I'm back just updating on my mind.

Hello and sorry I have been away for so long. There's been alot going on in my life my little angel came to see me his name is Carson. He's so funny his mom sings him a song. that goes something like "I can have it my way just because I want it my way" and then the stinker wanted his waffle upside down and threw a fit and we couldnt figure out the problem and then I realized, Well we just approve him with the right to have it "his way"..... He was so cute.

Yeah even when we cry we still love our kids.

Even when they throw a fit we still love them

Even when our kids do things we just don't like, we may not like the deed but we still love our children.

Sometimes people their selfs make mistakes and make the wrong decision and just do the wrong thing just because. But you know what? I am so glad I have a heavenly father who loves me and forgives me. Other people look down at me and make comments behind my back and say things such like "I have no respect for her". But you know what. As long as my God forgives me. Still loves me. and dusts me off and sends me on my way to go and sin no more. I don't give a hoot what other people say think or do.

Sure this must've been festering in my claw but it's out now and I'm so thankful for the Mercy of God that is forever with me and knows my heart and the intent thereof.

I love my children no matter what they do.......and I always will. I'm so glad I have a Heavenly Father who feels the same way about me.

Alyssa Lied

My little girl met a new friend, just the other day,
on the playground at school between the tires and the swings
But she came home with tear-filled eyes, and she said to me "Daddy, Alyssa lies"
Well I just brushed it off at first, 'cause I didn't know how much my little girl had been hurt
or the things she had seen.
I wasn't ready when I said
"You can tell me" and she said...
"Alyssa lies to the classroom, Alyssa lies everyday at school, Alyssa lies to the teachers as she tries to cover every bruise"
My little girl laid her head down that night to go to sleep.
As I stepped out the room,
I heard her say a prayer so soft and sweet
"God bless my mom and my Dad
and my new friend, Alyssa
*oh*I know she needs you bad
Because Alyssa lies to the classroom,
Alyssa lies everyday at school,
Alyssa lies to the teachers as she tries to cover every bruise"
(bridge)
I had the worst night of sleep in years
as I tried to think of a way to calm her fears I knew just what it was I had to do
*I knew exactly what I had to do*
but when we got to school on Monday
I heard the news
My little girl asked me why everybody looked so sad
the lump in my throat grew bigger with every question that she asked.
Until I felt the tears run down my face
and I told her that Alyssa wouldn't be at school today '
Cause she doesn't lie in the classroom
she doesn't lie anymore at school
Alyssa lies with Jesus
because there's nothin' anyone would do
Tears filled my eyes when my little girl asked me
why Alyssa lies
*Oh Daddy, oh* Daddy tell me why Alyssa lied

I don't know what this song does to you but it makes me want to reach out and touch these children. Help these kids who are hurt by the ones they love the most. There's a need and we
can't turn our backs on these children.

I cannot tell you how this song just went over and over through my mind all evening when I heard it for the first time coming home from work. Tears filled my eyes and I wanted to pull over to the side of the road and have a good cry. Some little child is going through this kind of pain right now. We really need to be more aware and help them.

This just happens to be what's on my heart tonight.

and the story goes on.

First things first..... doesn't Frank look just like his Mother? I think so too.

To begin with when she was born she was so dark and so hairy Mom didn't believe she was hers and told her to take her back (hahahah). And Linda makes fun of me LOL
But you can definitely see she belongs in the Stone/Czak family.

When she was real young aunt Helen tried to get her to do something and Linda was so stubborn that she went and hid in a closet and sat on dad's trunk and aunt Helen went in and pounded her head against the wall. LOL.. Of course, Mom never said nothing. Stubborn Linda still wouldn't come out of the closet, now you know this is all hearsay, but its pretty much truth. Ask your aunt she'll tell ya.

Linda was always a tomboy, She'd come home with snakes in her pocket and forget to take them out until Mom finds them while doing the wash. When Mom would ask Linda to go make beds. she'd do it real bad so Mom would say Carol go show Linda how it's done. and I'd of course make them perfectly and they all giggled behind my back, being the baby I never knew they were just tricking me to go make the beds right. The more she praised me the more beds I remade cause Linda botched them all. ggggrrrrrr

Boys use to show up at our house and ask Linda to come out and fight them cause so and so said he can't take her. She always whipped their butts.

One time she told Dad some kid was after her, and he took her in the backyard and put on boxing gloves with her. Then he told Linda to HIT HIM.......she said Dad I don't want to hit you. He said I said go ahead and HIT ME!!!! So she did and when she did she knocked him on his back (he was already down on his knees). He got up and said you don't need no lessons, go get that boy!!!!!!!

Then she grew up, Mike use to think he was my body guard, but that was before Linda started watching over me. No matter what kind of trouble I got into Linda always came to my defense or rescue.. If I got in trouble with mom.. she'd talk to mom and get me out of it. One time Manuel tried to attack me...... your auntie Lin pushed open the door and said to him before you touch her your gonna have to go through me. With her fists ready to knock him out. I gave him a big shove..... knocked him on his butt in the closet and Linda said RUN........ so I did. Then she threatened him to NEVER go near me again. From that day he never bothered me again.

While I was starting into my teen years, Linda is 5 years older, she use to take me to the mall and buy me clothes all the time. She and i were always out doing something. We seldom did much alone. But we always had a good time. She taught me how to count to 20 in Spanish while waiting for the church bus to pick us up. It was cold out and every time I said it wrong she'd hit me on my face. (not real hard) just enough to sting. Then I'd have to start all over again. But you can bet I learned to count to 20 fast!!!!

Linda then married, had Ann Marie and then Frank & Megan. and you know all the rest cause you were there. But those are my memories of Linda Lou